So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
