she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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