U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
