So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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