hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
