I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
