dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
