In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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