I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
