Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i think im in europe. pls send help
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
