I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
