It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Everyone says I win the strip club
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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