That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
