i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
