I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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