I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
