Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
