Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
