Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
