I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
