she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
