Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
