it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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