How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
