In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
