oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
