Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
