is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
