I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
