Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
