he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
