what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
