peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just invented taco cereal.
Found the puke drawer
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
