Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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