ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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