hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
