we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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