My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
