Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
