it's not cheating when I paid for it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
