My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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