You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
