Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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