I wanna passion pit in your ass
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We just shotgunned beers for America
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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