sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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