dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
only you would photoshop your dick
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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