I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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