I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
