How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
