I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
